What Yoga mind body therapy is for me…
Yoga, the big bad, scary, voo-doo, worship practice, also known as brain wash stretching. Now before you write this off as one-sided, I’ll give you a little back ground; I grew up in a very religious home, andthat eventually sent me running for the hills, at the mention of church or Jesus, but I now have a pretty good relationship with my main man, Jesus, and that relationship has absolutely nothing to do with religion! I also practice yoga, daily! And no, I don’t think those two things clash at all! I am not naïve enough to think yoga isn’t used to worship other things such as the universe, self, and other gods, but it’s the soul behind the person in the postures that determines the use of the practice, not the body position itself. So, before I start rambling I’ll just say that this is, yoga according to Kayla, according to one yogi out of millions of yogis, this is my journey with yoga and what it has helped me do.
Sometimes it gets so hard to sit still and quiet my thoughts, that I truly think I’m crazy. Thoughts of worry, of panic for no reason, thoughts of doom and failure, and all the things I’ve done wrong this week, this month, this year! This can’t be normal, it’s like when you’re trying to tune in a certain radio station, but there is a horrible static noise coming though with the faint sound of an actual song playing. The song playing is my crazy beautiful life that I’m living right now, it’s my kids asking curious little questions, it’s the slower times of rest and restoration, but it’s so hard to focus on and enjoy those things when the static is so loud, you can barely identify the song playing. The static.... ugh the static is; future planning, self-assessment, list making, worry, anxiety, hateful self-talk, replaying a hard conversation over and over, day dreaming, being creative with all my crazy ideas, it’s just static, it’s not useful, helpful or healthy! That is my life with anxiety, it is work almost every minute, of every day, to just fight the thought patterns that don’t shut off.
It was so hard for me to fully enjoy my children in all the small things and the slow moments, because I was never present, I was in thought land more than I was in real life land. In thought land, I at least felt like I was doing something productive. I was analyzing and filing and sorting through what ifs, and preparing for future trauma and damage while leaving past damage open and oozing, infecting every area of my life. I was mentally preparing for the life, that was passing me by. I felt like crap all the time, tired, sad, worthless, lazy, I wasn’t being the person that I felt like I was on the inside. On the inside, I felt like superwoman, I could do anything I put my strong willed, stubborn, busy, mind to. I knew I had a purpose in this world and I had to clear the static and find out what that purpose was!
That’s what Yoga helped me do! I learned yoga as a tool to help me feel better, it was one, of a few key tools for me. All it took was time and rest. It was about entering purposeful healing rest for those 30 minutes. We hold so many emotions and tensions in our body with no release, that’s usually why wine and drugs tend to help us “relax”. But doing yoga gives your body and mind a chance to get back on the same page, leaving you feeling rested, centered, and healthy all the time. It also gives your mind, the time it needs to learn new healthier thought patterns and self-talk. Everyone has self -talk, it’s not some weird inner monologue, it’s the way you subconsciously view yourself and the world around you, and sometimes those thought patterns lead you far astray from the person you were created to be. Far away from the lives you saw for yourself, and far away from the feeling of a purpose driven life. The purpose driven, joy and peace, that every human’s body and soul crave. Yoga is a chance to find out what that is for you. What the purpose is behind your faith, your family, your career, and to train your body to rest and work equally for a stable, mind, body, soul connection; on and off the mat.